The Perfect Poo
Sorry, but it’s time to talk about Poo! I don’t know why I’m apologising really, 9 year old boys might find the topic amusing but as adults we should have grown out of that by now. Defecating, pooing, a number 2, taking a dump, having a sh*t, laying a cable, dropping the kids off at the pool, call it what you will, we all do it so there’s nothing wrong with talking about it.
As I say, we all do it, most of us with some regularity and probably without a second thought. I’ll spare you the details but regularity and a certain amount of frequency would be the hallmarks for me – we’re usually talking two or three before breakfast on a normal day. That’s probably too much detail for some already so I won’t go into consistency here but lets just say I never have any issues and I certainly don’t need to spend long on the loo.
The reason I’m bringing it up here is that I think many of us ‘could do better’ – yes, that should be ‘could poo better’. Some of the podcasts I listen to are often sponsored by a company called Squatty Potty who make a toilet stool that is:
“innovatively designed to assist you in achieving the ‘right’ angle when going to the toilet”.
I’ve heard plenty of adverts for this device but always thought that it was a bit of a silly ‘American’ idea to get Americans to part with their cash. However, I have to admit, and I’m sure you’ll agree that some visits to the little room are more satisfying than others.
As a runner I also have to admit that there are occasions where an early morning run leads to what has, in a recent funny article that I’ve read, been described as one of the “10 awful things about running“.
There I am on a cold frosty morning running through the hills and forest of West Wales, admiring the scenery as the sun rises. All is well with the world, I’m running well, there’s no one else for miles around and I feel fine. But then, all of a sudden and without any warning I’m in desperate need of a poo. I don’t know if it’s the fact that it’s my usual time of day for a poo, if it’s the jiggling of my insides as I run or if its the pre-run coffee helping things along, but there it is an overwhelming urge that can’t be ignored. I always try to have my usual 2 or 3 visits to the toilet before I go out for a run, but that doesn’t seem to make any difference. Some days there’s simply nothing that can be done about it and out here, miles from any conveniences the only option is to do what most runners have at some point done, and that’s to ‘make like a bear in the woods’. Don’t worry, I’ve checked with my running friends before writing this and they all assure me they’ve done it too – if I was the only one then maybe I’d be keeping it a secret. At times like these the odd dock leaf comes in handy and a nice big clump of damp sphagnum moss can be particularly effective – as long as it isn’t hiding any bits of gorse within itself – yes, I’m speaking from experience here. I have actually taken to carrying a bit of toilet paper with me on early morning runs, but you can guarantee that the one day I forget to take it is the day that I’ll need it, so knowing the woodland alternatives is always useful.
Anyway, I digress, the reason I brought up my nature breaks on early morning runs is the fact that these always seem to be the most satisfying of poos. I always put it down to the fact that it’s left until the last possible moment and the satisfaction comes from pure relief rather than anything else, but maybe that’s not the case. Maybe, the fact that I have to squat to achieve that relief rather than sitting upright on a porcelain throne has something to do with it. Maybe a more natural squatting position that leads to fast easy elimination with comfort and convenience is where the satisfaction comes from. Maybe squatting is better for me and maybe more efficient, better pooing is just what I need. Maybe the squatty potty isn’t such a silly American gimmick afterall.
Don’t worry though, I’m not about to spend £27 on a Squatty Potty or even £52 on their bamboo model here’s a simple money saving device for achieving the same satisfaction from all your toilet trips, and what’s more it always ensures that you don’t get caught out with no means of wiping either.
Yep, just a few spare toilet rolls under your feet whilst sat on the loo will pretty much put you in the perfect posture for pooing like a pro!
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Been using toilet rolls for ages but as I strain (something you don’t need to do) I kept squashing them, so bought a step from the pound shop, actually it is the correct position as any doctor will confirm so keep squatting:)
Euopean loos are usually lower than ours
It’s indeed important to be able to poo (or whatever you may call it, yes) in a comfortable and satisfying manner. Anyways, your solution is quite cool!