A Cure for Corns, Osteoporosis and Aging thanks to Einstein.

Yep, you’ve read that right. Bear with me for an adventure into the weird and wonderful workings of my inner mind that can only lead to one thing.

Time

Time is weird. According to Einstein and his physics pals it’s relative and that does indeed seem to be the case. When we are young, live life in the fast lane and have lots of it, time trickles by slowly. As we get older, slower and have less of it remaining it starts to speed up. The trickle becomes a stream then an unstoppable river and soon becomes a raging torrent that washes us away. Depressing hey.

I’m not sure what stage I’m at yet but it certainly isn’t a trickle these days. There isn’t enough time in the day for the things I want to get done, nor are there enough of those time-crunched days in the week. As the big 5-0 approaches maybe I’ll have to accept that middle age is upon me and time has become something of a rush.

Care for the Elderly

Recent events in my life also seem to point towards middle-age. A recent cholesterol test prompted a visit to the doctors to re-investigate the need for statins (which I had stopped taking). I’d also recently had a DXA scan which showed that my spine had borderline osteoporosis so I mentioned this too. The doctor was concerned about my bone density scores so referred me to a consultant at the hospital. I looked him up (on that new fangled Google thing as you do these days) and his title on Linked In had him listed as:

“Dr Jones (Geriatrics) Consultant Physician in Care for the Elderly”….

Really? I’m going to have to see someone in the geriatric ward who specializes in care of the elderly? I’m not that old!!

Verruca and Corns

Where is this blog post going now? A day or two before visiting the doctors I’d also developed a verruca on the ball of my foot. Nothing wrong with that as school kids get them all the time. Although despite spending loads of time at swimming pools and barefoot I’d managed to avoid them until now.

This one became vicious though and soon became extremely painful. I was hobbling around unable to put any weight on it so whilst limping into the doctors I mentioned it to her. She took one look at it and said “it a corn, they can really hurt” and that was it.

A corn? What even is that? I’d heard of them but had never really known what they were. Aren’t they something old people get?

There it was again, I had an affliction of the elderly kind. This was becoming a habit.

It’s just getting worse though. The pain is unbearable. I can’t walk. Trying to do so is slow and uncomfortable. It’s kind of a limping hobble with weight on the outside heel of my foot. A heel that hasn’t touched the ground in nearly 50 years (I’ve always walked on my toes) is now taking all of my weight and it’s not happy about it. It is sore and bruised but the pain from that is nothing compared to weight (or even a light brush) on the corn from hell. A sore, bruised heel is infinitely preferable to my normal gait. It’s not much of a holiday if I can’t walk though. Packing the SUP, running kit and other toys will prove pointless if I can’t even stand up properly.

Podiatrists

Time to do more Google research and look for an emergency podiatrist appointment.

Doing so brings up plenty of options for podiatrists, chiropodists and foot care centers. All of which have special pages dedicated to things such as ‘Age Concern Clinics’, ‘Foot Care for the Elderly’ and such like.

Is this really the way it’s going to be from here on in. Constantly going from one healthcare professional to another all of whom specialize in the ailments of the elderly? I’ll have to do something to address that!

Getting Faster

Back to Einstein and his physics pals, they knew a thing or two and should be able to help. I’m no expert on time, space and the theory of relativity. I’m not even sure what the difference between general relativity and special relativity is. I do however seem to remember that it states that time goes slower the faster you travel.

I’ve never really got my head around this but it’s true, the faster you go, the slower time goes until at the speed of light it stops.

Maybe if I can go a little faster I can slow that pesky time down. I’ll never reach the speed of light, but every little helps, right? There’s nothing else for it, I’ll have to get faster.

We all know that as a triathlete/quadrathlete getting faster can be achieved in several ways. More training is one way, faster kit is another. We’ve already established that time is fleeting and I haven’t got enough of it. That means that more training isn’t an option as there just isn’t enough time in the day. You know where this is going now don’t you?!

It would seem as though high cholesterol, osteoporosis, corns on my feet, Einstein and his pals, physics, the theory of general relativity, the universe, space, and even time itself are all telling me I need to buy faster bikes and boats!! Who can argue with that? Not me that’s for sure.

1 Response

  1. Mum x says:

    Only you could come up with that !

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Alan Cole

Alan is a Freelance Website Designer, Sports & Exercise Science Lab Technician and full time Dad & husband with far too many hobbies: Triathlete, Swimming, Cycling, Running, MTBing, Surfing, Windsurfing, SUPing, Gardening, Photography.... The list goes on.