Bow Street Tornado Appeal

I found this quite amusing!

BOW STREET TORNADO APPEAL
A major hurricane (Hurricane Sauspan Bach) and an earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Ceredigion in the early hours of Tuesday with its epicentre in Bow Street.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering “Faaackinell”.

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

Radio Ceredigion reported that hundreds of residents were confused
and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Bow Street.

One resident – Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5
said, “It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came
running into my bedroom crying.

My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm
slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning
up and watching Trisha the next morning.”

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and
carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates
of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have
found large quantities of personal belongings, including
benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone
China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for
Those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after – items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt
45 or SpecialBrew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
***Breaking news***
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
‘Where are you bleeding from?’ they asked, ” PENPARCAU” said the
girl, “wossat gotta do wiv you?”

Please don’t forward this to anyone living in Bow Street – oh, sod
it, they won’t be able to read it anyway.

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Alan Cole

Alan is a Freelance Website Designer, Sports & Exercise Science Lab Technician and full time Dad & husband with far too many hobbies: Triathlete, Swimming, Cycling, Running, MTBing, Surfing, Windsurfing, SUPing, Gardening, Photography.... The list goes on.